Global Warming

The issue with global warming is water. The more heat we generate, the more the ice melts. The thing is if the planet is getting hotter then the water will evaporate.

Therefore the water levels will stay exactly the same. So the solution is simple turn your heating up to maximum open your windows and await the vapours.

NB: You might think that this might create loads of rain. You are wrong. Way off in fact. It is a little embarrassing that you thought that.

Global Terrorism

This is one of the simpler problems, though the answer is surprising to some people. The answer is unicycles, and the reason is this.

Terrorists HATE cars. They HATE them. A lot of people killed by terrorists are simply standing by when terrorists blow up a car. No-one is exactly sure why they have these feelings. Some experts think terrorists are animal lovers, resentful that cars have taken the place rightfully occupied by horses, but the fact remains that cars provoke extreme violence.

If cars were replaced by unicycles, terrorist attacks would be considerably decreased because there would be no cars. In the unlikely event that terrorists should find some other gripe and still be minded to cause explosions, they would find it impossible. No-one can operate a bomb while balancing on the unicycle.

Palestine Conflict

It's all a little too focused on killing and arguing. I tend to perceive the conflict like an arranged marriage. They were forced to together and they thought they knew each other and understood their diets, religious views and all that shit. In fact, when they started living together they soon find out they are pretty different.

So here is my solution - Have an affair. The entire population of Palestine should start flirting with Italy behind the Israelis backs. Start off by sending letters and some eye contact. Then perhaps ask them outside for a cigarette, make a bit of small talk and then ask each other to be friends on Facebook.
Whilst this happens, spoil the Iraelis with fancy yoghurts, cakes and some gentle oral sex. They won't have a clue and everyone wins.

Iraq Conflict

 
Dog fighting. I think if you had loads of mentally unstable dogs running around Iraq fighting each other that could get people thinking. I'll be honest I am not sure what they would think, but here are the most likely responses from the Iraqi population

"Those dogs have come out of nowhere. That is a bit weird. I might go indoors"
"Is that dog yours? No? Ok lets shoot it"
"That dog has killed 67 dogs this week. We should respect it."