The diary of a foreign policeman
The diary of a foreign policeman
26 September 2007
Diary of a Foreign Policeman September 2007
With apologies to, well, everyone – but…
Tuesday
Dear Diario,
Today a woman come into the station. She is called Mrs Ganny. She tell us someone take her dog. We say, we no take it. She go away.
Wednesday
Dear Diario,
I see on television very sad story. Lady called Mrs Gann – someone take her dog. And her husband – someone take his dog too. It’s very sad. Who are people who take dogs? And why don’t somebody help them, I ask?
Thursday
Dear Diario,
Mrs Ganny come into the station again and say, someone still take her dog. She has same problem as woman from the television, also similar face, so we help her. We write her name (“MRS GANNY”) and details, also of dog (“4 LEGS” and “BLACK”). It is good to be policeman, you are always helping people. Also, for example, I did bring her handkerchief.
Friday
Dear Diario,
Today a man come into the station. He is called Mr Ganny. He is saying someone take his dog. This is very suspicious so we put him in custody. He not happy. Television say that police helping Mr and Mrs Gann with inquiries into dog. This good. But they say that dog maybe was kidnapped by wild fox who live in town. This bad. I don’t think police catch foxes.
Saturday
Dear Diario
Me and Carla and Eliza and Julio get really drunk and have crazy fun time, go to fancy hotel where television say Mr and Mrs Gann stay. We there to show sympathy. But also to have fun time in rich foreigner resort! Then Carla find crazy dog running around in hotel! We have a lots of fun, dressing dog in swimming costume and drinking it beer. Crazy dog have 4 legs and be black.
Sunday
Dear Diario
Today I did sleep mainly. It is not good to dream about dogs.
Monday
Dear Diario
My investigations show Mr Ganny have a wife. This very suspicious. He not say he have a wife before. Now he say he do. We call Mrs Ganny. She come in. She say someone take her dog, plus we have her husband in custody! This very suspicious. We put her in custody. Chief say we must release Mr Ganny, so we do. Later, Carla bring dog to station and we have much fun.
Tuesday
Dear Diario
Mrs Ganny is out of her mind! She say barking of Carla’s dog like barking of her dog. We have big interrogation. If someone take your dog, we say, then your dog not be here. She say we take dog. We take dog?! This is civilised country, we say. Mrs Ganny scream, is not civilised. Mrs Ganny is out of her mind. I add detail to file: “MRS GANNY, OUT OF HER MIND”.
Wednesday
Dear Diario
Mr Gann from television saying that now police have his dog, also his wife. Television presenters very angry. Not fox but police are guilty. I very angry too. Why police not leave innocent people alone?
Thursday
Dear Diario
Mr Ganny come into station and ask for his dog. We say, someone take your dog. He say, who? We say, you tell us someone take your dog. He say, no, my dog here. We say, what, you lie to us before? He say, no. We say, what, you lie to us now? He say, no. We arrest him for obstruction the course of justice. (This helpful way to arrest people.)
Friday
Dear Diario
Today very sad day. Television announce that Mr Gann and Mrs Gann been arrested. It is very sad story, especially for dog, for now television say they did steal their own dog, and they did sell it to Moroccan black market for circus performance. Very sad story. Carla and I go run with Carla’s dog in park to cheer up. Mr Ganny and Mrs Ganny bring lawyer to station to prepare for trial on Monday, but Julio arrest him for obstruction. (This very helpful way to arrest people.)
Monday
Dear Diario
Ganny case closed. Judge Gupey find Mr and Mrs Ganny guilty of Moroccan black market crime that poor innocent Mr and Mrs Gann accused of. This has been very tough case for me. Chief reward me with week of rest. So I think Carla and I want to go travelling to country of Mr and Mrs Gann country, to see how they people live. But we hear it dangerous to travel there with dog so we are to leave Carla’s dog with Julio. We hope he not lose it. Carla arriving, so time to go. It is glamorous life, being policeman, but also difficult. I wish one day to see people understand this!
With apologies to, well, everyone – but…
Tuesday
Dear Diario,
Today a woman come into the station. She is called Mrs Ganny. She tell us someone take her dog. We say, we no take it. She go away.
Wednesday
Dear Diario,
I see on television very sad story. Lady called Mrs Gann – someone take her dog. And her husband – someone take his dog too. It’s very sad. Who are people who take dogs? And why don’t somebody help them, I ask?
Thursday
Dear Diario,
Mrs Ganny come into the station again and say, someone still take her dog. She has same problem as woman from the television, also similar face, so we help her. We write her name (“MRS GANNY”) and details, also of dog (“4 LEGS” and “BLACK”). It is good to be policeman, you are always helping people. Also, for example, I did bring her handkerchief.
Friday
Dear Diario,
Today a man come into the station. He is called Mr Ganny. He is saying someone take his dog. This is very suspicious so we put him in custody. He not happy. Television say that police helping Mr and Mrs Gann with inquiries into dog. This good. But they say that dog maybe was kidnapped by wild fox who live in town. This bad. I don’t think police catch foxes.
Saturday
Dear Diario
Me and Carla and Eliza and Julio get really drunk and have crazy fun time, go to fancy hotel where television say Mr and Mrs Gann stay. We there to show sympathy. But also to have fun time in rich foreigner resort! Then Carla find crazy dog running around in hotel! We have a lots of fun, dressing dog in swimming costume and drinking it beer. Crazy dog have 4 legs and be black.
Sunday
Dear Diario
Today I did sleep mainly. It is not good to dream about dogs.
Monday
Dear Diario
My investigations show Mr Ganny have a wife. This very suspicious. He not say he have a wife before. Now he say he do. We call Mrs Ganny. She come in. She say someone take her dog, plus we have her husband in custody! This very suspicious. We put her in custody. Chief say we must release Mr Ganny, so we do. Later, Carla bring dog to station and we have much fun.
Tuesday
Dear Diario
Mrs Ganny is out of her mind! She say barking of Carla’s dog like barking of her dog. We have big interrogation. If someone take your dog, we say, then your dog not be here. She say we take dog. We take dog?! This is civilised country, we say. Mrs Ganny scream, is not civilised. Mrs Ganny is out of her mind. I add detail to file: “MRS GANNY, OUT OF HER MIND”.
Wednesday
Dear Diario
Mr Gann from television saying that now police have his dog, also his wife. Television presenters very angry. Not fox but police are guilty. I very angry too. Why police not leave innocent people alone?
Thursday
Dear Diario
Mr Ganny come into station and ask for his dog. We say, someone take your dog. He say, who? We say, you tell us someone take your dog. He say, no, my dog here. We say, what, you lie to us before? He say, no. We say, what, you lie to us now? He say, no. We arrest him for obstruction the course of justice. (This helpful way to arrest people.)
Friday
Dear Diario
Today very sad day. Television announce that Mr Gann and Mrs Gann been arrested. It is very sad story, especially for dog, for now television say they did steal their own dog, and they did sell it to Moroccan black market for circus performance. Very sad story. Carla and I go run with Carla’s dog in park to cheer up. Mr Ganny and Mrs Ganny bring lawyer to station to prepare for trial on Monday, but Julio arrest him for obstruction. (This very helpful way to arrest people.)
Monday
Dear Diario
Ganny case closed. Judge Gupey find Mr and Mrs Ganny guilty of Moroccan black market crime that poor innocent Mr and Mrs Gann accused of. This has been very tough case for me. Chief reward me with week of rest. So I think Carla and I want to go travelling to country of Mr and Mrs Gann country, to see how they people live. But we hear it dangerous to travel there with dog so we are to leave Carla’s dog with Julio. We hope he not lose it. Carla arriving, so time to go. It is glamorous life, being policeman, but also difficult. I wish one day to see people understand this!
