speed cameras
How to beat the speed camera
23 October 2007
The mass debate between road safety campaigners and motorists is still rumbling on like a dodgy engine as both sides of the argument puff and wheeze at each other from across a busy dual carriageway.
The latest salvo has been fired by the anorak-clad promoters of safety as a new report claims that the introduction of 20mph speed limits across all built-up areas will save a huge number of people – in a bizarre metaphor, precisely the population of a town 'like Nottingham or Belfast' – from getting injured on the roads.
Personally, I think they should look what they're doing before stepping out in front of a deadly killing machine that dares to travel at 23mph – and who doesn't often slow down in a heavily populated area with people milling about anyway?
The government's road safety advisers – who probably also make time to protest at Heathrow and live in trees whenever someone wants to mow their lawn – have also called for greater enforcement around a new generation of speed cameras.
It may seem odd, given my views on the (frankly ridiculous) proposed 20mph limits, that I'm entirely in favour of speed cameras littering the roads of Britain.
I don't support them because of the vast sums of money that line Police pockets up and down the land – but that's a small price to pay for the huge growth of a new extreme sport, whereby people creatively invent ways to destroy these most annoying pieces of invasive technology.
The trend for destroying these annoying pieces of ugly, ugly machinery is as amusing as it is inventive: they've been routinely subject of fiery arson attacks that leave the camera-boxes on top – amusingly styled to look like an original Dr Who extra from the 60's – looking like extremely regimented cubes of charcoal.
Other cameras have been the victim of efficient and skilful angle-grinding, the box on top being shorn off at it's support strut – one's even been destroyed 7 times.
Yet more have been attacked with chain-saws. A handful of brave competitors have even taken aim and shot at the pesky lenses.
It's not only a British phenomenon, either.
In Holland – as reported by motoring mayhem show Top Gear - angry motorists have come up with possibly the most ingenious solution yet – Polyfilla.
It may sound unusual, but a small hole in the camera casing is able to be used to fill the unit with the ever-expanding foam filler.
And then, sooner rather than later, the camera is rendered useless as foams bursts forth from every seam, like rolls of banknotes from a traffic copper's uniform.
Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is the sport's highest-profile advocate so far after admitting on, again, Top Gear – I think they approve of this behaviour – that the best way to avoid speeding is to coat the camera, liberally, with cling-film, thereby rendering the lens unable to focus and, therefore, useless.
What next for the humble yet persistent Gatso-abusers - London 2012?
