AIDS.

Not a particularly funny topic; but just a little bit less unfunny than we previously thought, according to expert Kevin De Cock.

Speaking 25 years after the term AIDS was coined, De Cock said that AIDS really isn’t all that bad, being pretty well confined to drug addicts, gays, prostitutes and their clients. (Oh, and Africa, but who's counting?) 

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You can stop this scaremongering now, then. Mind you... I quite like this one.

De Cock - when not fending off insults concerning his name - heads up the World Health Organisation’s HIV department, which has recently slashed its estimate of the number of infected folk worldwide from 40M to 33M.

Aside from Africa (where in any case one can cure the virus simply by sleeping with a virgin) – a much-feared global AIDS epidemic among heterosexual folk is no longer on the cards.

So if you don’t live in Africa, aren’t gay, don’t do drugs, aren’t a prostitute, and don’t use a prostitute: a) how the hell do you spend your weekends? b) you can throw those jonnies away now!

Source: Mail online (I know, I know...[ed.])

A man was arrested last week in Cairns, for being drunk in charge of a vehicle – that vehicle being… his motorised wheelchair.

Why this crackdown on the lame? Are the Ozzies leading the counter offensive against political correctness?

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Fruit-loop or vegetable?

In fact, the wheelchair-using man was not only as drunk as a skunk (blood reading 0.31), but he was driving his chair on a major highway. As a matter of fact, he was

asleep at the controls, at a turning of thee motorway!

"It beggars belief," said Police Inspector Bob Walters, and I suppose it does.

Source: Reuters

It's true! Look it's on Google News

Only joking!!! (had you there for a second...) It's a spoof Google Good News page by the author of this book...

They may have a decrepid military and an unhealthy geo-political paranoia, but there are certain things the Ruskies do f*$&ing well. One is novels. Another is drunk drinking.

A driver in Khabarovsk had clearly had one bottle of vodka too many, as he drove straight into a traffic policeman, who clung onto the car as the piss-head drove on unawares for a further kilometre!

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My other one's a vodka

Only when the unfortunate copper fired eight rounds from his pistol (traffic police in Russia have pistols?) did the driver finally come to a halt.

The driver is currently in jail with a hefty hangover. The lucky policemen got away with a graze to his right arm.

Source: Reuters

What do you not want if you’re a reputable judge presiding over a case of indecency? Oh I don’t know… the revelation that you keep an animal porn website?

Poor Alex Kozinski. Chief Judge of the U.S. 9^th Circuit of Appeals (you don’t have to pretend you know what that means); one of America’s highest-ranking Judges; even mentioned as a possible candidate for the Supreme Court… and now best known as a pervert of the highest order.

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Animal porn connoiseur. Alex Kozinski

Kozinski had been presiding over a case of obscenity against a Hollywood adult film maker, but the case was suspended after the sober Judges own dalliances came to light.

The Judge’s website – which he claims not to have known was accessible to the public, contained ‘a photo naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal ’.

Unfortunately, the site: http://alex.kozinski.com  has now been taken down. Man-of-the-world Kozinski denies that any of the content qualifies as obscene.

Source: Los Angeles Times

Mexican Manuel Uribe, otherwise known as half-tonne-man, otherwise known as lard-arse, otehrwise known as fatty-fatty-fat-fat, is to get married.

Who’s marrying him and is she fat?

The lucky lady is 38-year-old hairdresser Claudia Solis, below.

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Uribe polishes off a woman for elevenses

Uribe weighs 50 stone, and apparently hasn’t stood up for years. Astonishly though, the once salad-dodger is now dieter extraordinaire and – having lost almost 40 stone (he weighed nearly 100 stone? – get off it!) he is hoping to walk down the isle with his beloved.

Ahhh…

“I bathe him every day and we get along very well. At time, yes, people say things, that it’s a fake relationship, but what we have is real.”

I’m not casting doubt over the sincerity of your relationship, Claudia, I’m just saying… sometime or other, the fridge is goinna be bare – and when that happens, something, or someone, is going to get munhed. Be careful is all…

Source: Anonova