The Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, is said to be seriously bummed out by weed, man. 

Despite the Government’s Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs telling her to chillax and leave the green totally in Class C, she just went completely mong and wants to upgrade this seriously strong shit to like class B because she just can’t fucking handle it, man, and it’s doing her fucking head in. 

Jacqui Smith gets whacky playing party games during her time at Oxford University where she admitted to having smoked cannabis

Professor Sir Michael Rawlins, the chairman of the council, respects the Government’s right not to act on his advice but just can’t see why they’re being so, like, harsh because, like, it’s not like they’re doing any harm, right, and it just makes really chilled people into fucking criminals if you’re going to make weed even more illegal than it is, um, illegal, yeah.

And if it starts making you psychotic, yeah, just like have a Valium and lay off for a bit. 

As a class C drug, possession of cannabis carries with it a formal warning and the pigs won’t even like even arrest you, dude, though they can if you’re like, totally into serious shit like skunk and that.

And, like, it was this fucking Government, and that low-temperature Blunkett geezer who was like ‘this stuff’s okay, yeah, and it’s not like we’re smoking crack or some shit like that,’ man, that reclassified weed making it less illegal, and now they’re doing a complete U-bend and making it more illegal and it can be difficult to keep a handle on this shit.

Dude that’s fucking vinyl, man, you can’t get the Trojan stuff like that any more so have some fucking respect for other people’s property, yeah? 

At the moment, if the police catch you with some grass, chances are they’ll issue you with a warning.

But if Doctor John got caught with like a key of the stuff, he do jail time, yeah, for like two fucking years or some shit like that.

But like now what they want to do is make it so that, like, if me or you got caught we’d get a fine, yeah, a ‘fixed penalty notice’, which counts as an unofficial criminal record, though you can get a criminal record if, um, it’s class B. Or even if it’s class C. 

Shit man, basically yeah, listen to me. No, man, really fucking listen, ‘cause you gotta know what the fuck – hey, dude, turn that up! Shit, where’d you get this stuff? Fuck man, I wish I was going man, to like the Big Chill or Secret Garden, but like I can’t get the fucking tickets man, but it’s going to be really chilled, not like Glastonbury which is all bam-bam-bam and none of the chill-out stuff. Yeah, it’s like they totally sold-out. “Sold-out,” like in both words of the meaning. It’s so fucking middle class and that. 

So Gordon Brown is like saying he wants to send ‘a tough message’, but then the pigs, yeah, the Association of Chief Police Officers, they’re like ‘the key will be discretion for officers to strike the right balance.

We do not want to criminalise young people who are experimenting’.

So it’s a tough message, it’s a U-bend, but it’s no change, yeah, except Doctor John would get like five years and not two if they raided him. But skunk’s totally still class A, I think. A ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Hey no man it’s my turn to be Wario and you can be, like, Princess or some shit like that. Okay, you be Bowser. A ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Can I roach your Rizla?