Archive
Politics
The week in politics and news - 02 October 2008
James Pryor reflects on this week's news and politics
A Poet's Prayer - 01 October 2008
Dear Jesus Christ, grant me one wish.
Please let the banks go down the piss...
The week in politics and news - 29 September 2008
James Pryor brings you the eyebrow version of the week in news and politics
The week in politics and news - 19 September 2008
James Pryor brings you the eyebrow version of the week in news and politics
The week in politics and news - 11 September 2008
The eyebrow version of the week in news and politics
Daily News and Politics updates - 12 September 2008
News in brief: We bring you the top news and politics stories
Sarah Palin - 04 September 2008
Paris Hilton is not a million miles away from the Republican Vice-Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin.
George Osborne and Alistair Darling - 01 September 2008
"It’s like they thought that wars in the Middle East could be conducted like your average summer blockbuster. "
As the Olympic Games came to an official close - 26 August 2008
and as the Glorious Mantle was passed to London, I was, as so many must have been, reminded of the first time someone stuck a finger in my bum.
Glitter prompts FTSE surge - 21 August 2008
Paedophiles and child-abductors have taken over the front pages, making it impossible to read about rising food prices and how cold grandma’s going to be this winter unless you bother to turn to page two.
The lessons of war - 14 August 2008
The top five lessons to be learned from the conflict in Georgia...
Barry George - 07 August 2008
Mr George, having served eight years for murdering the nation’s favourite gob-on-a-stick Jill Dando, last week found himself stalking free from court.
The Miliband Offence - 01 August 2008
Hello!? McFly!? Has everyone forgotten that one measly year ago we were trying to figure out what possessed Brown to give this nerd what really ought to be the second-highest post in the country?
Max Mosley - 29 July 2008
If there had been a Nazi overture to the sordid encounter, he’d certainly get my vote...
David Cameron: Back on yer bike - 28 July 2008
Tory leader David Cameron has been joyfully reunited with his bike after a tearful time without his two-wheeled toy
Dear Mr Miliband - 24 July 2008
On 6th May last year, forty baddies dressed up as policemen in Baghdad and, in the mistaken belief that Grand Theft Auto III cheats worked in real life, took a British computer expert hostage
Feeling the benefit - 23 July 2008
“Work works and it's only fair that we can ensure that a life on benefits is not an option”, he said, scratching his balls with the gold plated thighbone of a single mother.
An alternative to using a knife... - 17 July 2008
The Prime Minister and his Home Secretary have been reassuring voters that they are resolutely in favour of good things and very much not in favour of bad things.
Wuthering Heights: Gordon Brown is Heathcliff - 14 July 2008
More accurate would be “Women say you remind them of a grey skinned, mouth-breathing sex offender”.
Taking the R out of G8 - 10 July 2008
‘You like maybe for to have cup of glow-in-dark tea?’ joked the Russian to break the ice as Gordon Brown jabbed repeatedly at the lift-call button.
Boris Johnson: 'It's a Shame About Ray' - 07 July 2008
Bo Jo panicked that his brave new world would be polluted with the taint of intolerance and so, er, showed a no tolerance attitude in booting McGrath out of the door before you could so much as say ‘picaninnies’
Dutch shtoners, stop smoking dope... - 03 July 2008
do something less destructive to society, such as patronising those hookers who sit in windows, their vaginas puffing eerily on Nicorette inhalers whilst nobody watches
HRH Brenda on a big spender - 30 June 2008
How to rake in the dough? Send out Wills in a helicopter? Get Charles to ride from town to town on his horse (sorry, Camilla)? Rig Diana’s bones up to dance a hilarious jig every time a shiny penny is placed in the slot?
What's on Obama's iPod? - 27 June 2008
The trouble is, I’d be a fool to offer odds longer than 4:1 on the grimacing fool acceding to a similar stunt, perhaps giving the readers of Cosmopolitan an enticing glimpse into his beigely Presbyterian sex-life
Undercover in the Trade Unions - 23 June 2008
"Once I learned eyebrow had my wife and cats held hostage at an undisclosed location I was more than happy to agree to attend"
Iranium - 19 June 2008
Europeans may not be able to agree on much, but when it comes to nuclear proliferation, they really come up to scratch and just bloody well show other foreigners what’s what, don’t they just.
Life, the Universe and David Davis: The Answer is 42 - 16 June 2008
"I do not offer deals on terrorism”. No BOGOF for bombers then under this PM"
In defence of Robert Mugabe - 12 June 2008
So spare a thought for poor, demented Robert. He probably wonders why nobody will ever put up a statue of him in Parliament Square, or hand over a much-needed £750 000 and a Nobel peace prize
Tube wars - 03 June 2008
Donaldson claims youngsters are now ‘drinking to get drunk’. Can’t think how the bally fool expects ‘em to get drunk if not by drinking...
Gordon calling - 02 June 2008
Gordon Brown has been cold-calling the public in an effort to stump up his ratings. Eyebrow gets an earful...
Old people: A threat to the human race? - 30 May 2008
More coffin-dodgers sucking in the increasingly scarce oxygen of the future. More inconvenience for everybody...
What year is it? - 27 May 2008
and then Gordon Brown became a lame duck! Oh how we laughed...
Posh Universities - 22 May 2008
‘The Government asserts that universities, especially Oxford and Cambridge, are unfairly excluding students from low social class backgrounds [chavs, pikeys, plebs, and Scots, mainly].’
How to lose Crewe - 19 May 2008
'other delightful ruses include some charmingly racist overtones to their campaign material...'
Caroline Flint: Would you? - 16 May 2008
Ms Flint is no stranger to people wondering what it would be like to have sex with her.
Gordon brown - 12 May 2008
'A flurry of books from the cast of the Blair years has managed to compound Gordon’s misery by making him look more of a tit than ever. '
Yes but I didn't inhale... - 07 May 2008
The Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, is said to be seriously bummed out by weed, man
London's Turning: Boris the new Mayor - 06 May 2008
...And a Labour government about as popular as a hedgehog in a nudist camp. Or perhaps a guard at a concentration camp, to paraphrase the outgoing mayor
Political party pants - 30 April 2008
If you want to see how these repellent slave-turned-masters will treat the country should their party gain power, just look at what they’re doing with their willies.
Gordon is a moron - 29 April 2008
Smack! Lord Levy ‘reveals’ that Blair thought Brown would be a liability and lose to Cameron in an election. Blair denies it but it would hardly be a shock if he did say it.
The war on Lawson - 26 April 2008
It’s the sheer grit and determination of those trying to save the planet that proves that they’re right.
It's enough to make you sick: John Prescott - 23 April 2008
Let’s face it, you’d have to have a heart of stone not to have laughed just a little at the news that John Prescott claims to have suffered from bulimia.
Silvio Berlusconi: Italy's next top model - 16 April 2008
Italian politics has now streamlined itself into a two-party affair, with only a handful of swarthy latin men and unbelievably hot women on the periphery to ‘lend tone’.
Presidential Idol - 15 April 2008
Maybe Putin and Bush could battle it out over a game of Guitar Hero. Olmert and Ahmadinejad could play tiddlywinks.
Sticks and stones may break my bones and if they do, I'll sue you - 14 April 2008
The new t-shirts issued to soldiers with the targets on in place of body armour were seen as possibly a mistake
Brown on the green: Reclassification of cannabis - 07 April 2008
"The toe curling evil that is politicians using words like ‘skunk’ when they wouldn’t recognise it if it were wearing a Nazi uniform and fucking a prostitute"
Randy Red-Ken and the newt-loving laydeez - 07 April 2008
"It’s amazing that he’s managed to find one host womb for his manly seed, let alone three."
Calamity Clegg-over - 01 April 2008
The normally unshakeable denizens of the House of Commons were whispering their disquiet today as news of the sexual depravities of one of their own filtered through the corridors of power
Sarkozy and Bruni - 01 April 2008
Not even Gordon Brun was immune. Escorting his Gallic chanteuse through the corridors of power, he looked almost cheery.
Terminal five vs. Eurostar - 31 March 2008
The lights, the motivational music, the words like ‘vibrant’ splashed about, not to mention the careful planning, were enough to make the collective British sphincter pucker dangerously
Ye gods, I have spawned a monster - 25 March 2008
The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill would allow sinister gothic scientists to create so-called ‘admixed’ embryos
No fire without smokes - 25 March 2008
"As soon as I chucked dem and started shooting up everyfink became a lot clearer. It’s part of growing up, innit?"
Shannon Matthews smashes hide and seek record - 17 March 2008
Controversy reigned in the highly competitive world of Hide and Seek as Shannon Matthews was found by police as she hid under the bed of her stepfather’s uncle
Cameras on Cameron - 17 March 2008
David Cameron calls in the film crews as he and his family take the common-tucker-challenge...
ID cards: backwards to the future - 13 March 2008
They've been watching Back to the Future, Bladerunner and the like, and thinking, 'Golly - if this is where we've got to be in ten years we'd better get a move on.'
Hillary Clinton comeback - 10 March 2008
Just when the District of Columbia, the United States, even the WORLD thought Barak Obama had the nomination in the bag, Hillary rises up like Floyd Mayweather in an Armani pantsuit, dusts herself off and takes charge
RAF get a dressing down - 10 March 2008
"Quite what the fuck these flyboys think they’re doing swanning about in their vestments of death in the outside world where real, human people have to live fuck only knows. They make me vomit."
Russian elections - 04 March 2008
In the words of those keen observers of international events Boney M, “Thos crazy Russians”. To the surprise of no one the new President-elect of Russia is the 42 year old Dmitry Medvedev.
Wanted: A terrorist worthy of the name - 03 March 2008
It was an embarrassing day for the Government yesterday, as figures released by the Office for National Statistics prove that terrorism is only a quarter as deadly as an olive stone.
Bridgend - suicide town - 26 February 2008
The most powerful element of the story is the possibility, despite the desperate claims to the contrary, that the suicides might have no common factors whatsoever...
Guantanamo pants - 25 February 2008
Farcical fashion meets political passion as Vivienne Westwood unveils her secret weapon in the war on the war on terror…
Northern rock explained - 18 February 2008
Two other people are said to be ‘surprised’, whilst a further 65 million Britons are reportedly ‘unaware of the slightest importance of the deal.'
eyebrow goes drinking with Christopher Hitchens - 18 February 2008
"Drinking with Christopher Hitchens is a bit like arguing with Ken Livingstone- he’s very, very good at it and you know you’re going to end up with a pounding headache. "
Archbishop of Canterbury - 11 February 2008
"Why on earth would any woman in her right mind want financial compensation for all the time she wasted trying to beat manners into whatever bastard-shit little children we’d been cursed with?"
Chelsea Clinton - 11 February 2008
And more pressingly, does Hillary understand the nuances of street vernacular? If one were to say, “Fo shizzle drizzle my nizzle,” would she take out her umbrella?
Super Tuesday - 05 February 2008
"This is politics at its best. In order to get young New Yorkers to come out and engage in the democratic process of an election, the powers that be are getting them drunk first."
God grant me apostasy - 04 February 2008
"For over a week there’s been a story running about some professional mystic in the employment of The Church of England who said something about some other credulous twats that has caused great offence"...
Jerome Kerviel - 29 January 2008
"He lost a shit load of French cash - that cheered me somewhat - and didn't just lose his job: he got five of his bosses sacked."
Fuck da police - 22 January 2008
I am just the kind of person that the Police exist to protect. I like the word ‘vibrant’ and habitually describe the shittier bits of capital cities as ‘cultural melting-pots’.
Cocaine Corps - 17 December 2007
The British army loses a battalion a year to cocaine. James Pryor reflects maturely on just what this means...
Gordon's handy-job sexes up the government - 11 December 2007
"There were the customary accusations that the nine-man committee had ‘sexed up’ the statement, though most believe that this is down to commentators’ love of using the word ‘sex’ as a verb."
Don't fence me in (or I'll blow your f-ing head off) - 11 December 2007
O'Reilly flirts with anything in a skirt, while to the men postures like a long-gone-to-seed High School football star trying to show the quarterback dating his daughter that he's still got it.
Rudd out to prove he's no dud - 05 December 2007
"Kev is the stud who twice as many voters want to see in the buff than John Howard (though Howard my find some solace in the gay vote, which had him 4% ahead)."
Bears given a bad name - 04 December 2007
"It seems to me that the only person involved in the case who hasn't publicly admitted to believing that the world was made by an invisible man who lives on a cloud is Mrs Gibbons herself"
The big YouTube debate - 30 November 2007
"The highlight of the debate is Romney, the plastic twat, struggling with the semantics of avoiding saying he is a Biblical literalist".
Spoilt rotten - 28 November 2007
'Luckily, Gordon decided not to get angry with the old duffers, smiling indulgently as he said he had "nothing but praise" for the armed forces.'
Crack-down on kids but smack making a comeback - 20 November 2007
"A commendable 33% of pupils there admitted to getting their monthly drink on... Sadly, however, only three per cent have had the bollocks to try crack, smack or eccies."
Cameron carry-on - 16 November 2007
What to make of Kate Moss's reaction to the Tory leader...
The golden revolution - 14 November 2007
"And Musharraf – well the only thing that's holding him together is the glue atop his shiny head"
Foxy knoxy - 13 November 2007
Amanda 'Foxy' Knox, flat-mate of murdered student Meredith Kercher is a lip-smacking guilty pleasure
Some Holes Barred - 09 November 2007
The ins and outs of a Singapore fling...
Little boy lost - 07 November 2007
Geeks, like the God of Genesis, have a passion for naming things, for the sweetness of a thing well-defined...
Jobs for the boys - 06 November 2007
"The last of these conspicuously pointless administrators said something about rubbish collections of such petrifying mundanity that I very nearly ate my eyes"
Now wash your hands - 05 November 2007
"The Metropolitan Police has been found in breach of ‘health and safety’ in the De Menezes case. It’s a fine turn of phrase, isn’t it?"
Brown stains: Muck and moolah in the NHS - 30 October 2007
"if urban mythology says you'll come out suffering from MRSA and carrying your appendix in a bag, you're going to think twice…"
It's indecent - 29 October 2007
"Her sticky-knickers account of being botty-sexed by strangers for money really has turned the tables on those men who have previously been mistaken for the ones doing the exploiting"
speed cameras - 23 October 2007
Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is the sport's highest-profile advocate so far... 'coat the camera, liberally, with cling-film, thereby rendering the lens unable to focus and, therefore, useless'
Homies & Watson - 22 October 2007
What Watson, the master of DNA, had to say about 'people of colour'...
The Clarkson-Yeager Index - 18 October 2007
That's right, eyebrow magazine brings you the sweet, sweet candy of virgin political comment. This one's never been flown...
Death by 1000 cuts - 16 October 2007
Morale at the BBC is lower than a corgi's bollocks; so who is it that's really to blame..?
M.P. Queues - 15 October 2007
'a resounding, crashing reminder of just how gung-ho, self-serving and frankly American we are becoming...'
Doin' it for the kids - 09 October 2007
He's not faring very well with the adults; how's Brown doing with the MTV generation?
The People's Inquest - 07 October 2007
So why does the conspiracy refuse to go away, slithering forward, growing fat on column inches?
My Response to Surveillance Culture - 03 October 2007
I've wanted to do something about it for ages. Something emblematic of my displeasure at the whole watching-me-wherever-I-go deal...
Return of the Nasty - 03 October 2007
Amazing what a significant deficit in an ICM poll and the news that you’re the least popular of all party leaders can do for a chap.
BJ for London - 03 October 2007
Alexander de Pfeffel Johnson? Mayor? With his reputation?...
War on Agriculture - 26 September 2007
‘farming’s a great hobby, but let’s not elevate it to the status of a job....'
new New Labour - 26 September 2007
As Bournemouth-breather Gordon looks to impress, we ask: do people really give a shit?
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