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Coleen McLoughlin is the thinking man’s Kerry Katona. Since Wayne Rooney is the poor man’s rhesus monkey, it perhaps comes as no surprise that William Hill is offering odds of just 5/1 that their marriage will last five years or less. 

Whilst other European footballers are competing for their country, England’s least glamorous couple have supposedly tied the knot in the tiny town of Santa Margherita, Italy.

It was the ideal location: his favourite pizza, her second favourite drink (Dominos and Lambrini had proved a logistical nightmare, and are instead being considered as potential names for their first born). 

'The Real Thing'

A WAG wedding has to be as tasteful as a Rivita and tackier than a yacht on blustery seas. A £2.5 million OK! Magazine deal comes as standard, and purple thrones, white doves and Windsor knots bigger than Andre the Giant’s fist help add to the sense of occasion. 

This has been no different. The nuptials started with a masked ball (who can blame her) on board £80 million super-yacht RM Elegant (irony not included).

Guests were also reportedly given a box containing a butterfly to release at the wedding. Unfortunately this hadn’t been thought all the way through, and Coleen was said to be dismayed when hundreds of caterpillars were thrown at her as she waddled back down the aisle. 

It’s been a fairy tale story. The 22-year-olds met in Liverpool when they were 12 and began dating at 16. Football and Hollyoaks followed, and then Wayleen become official after Rooney proposed to his sweetheart on the forecourt of a BP garage in October 2003. 

Love had its ups and downs though, not least when Wayne was busted seeing hookers. ‘Foolish as it now seems I did on occasions visit massage parlours and prostitutes,’ he revealed. 

The tabloids of course took this the wrong way. He was in fact ‘visiting’ them as part of an outreach programme he and Charlie Sheen had set up. 

Coleen responded that ‘The truth is…when the story came out I'd never even slept with Wayne.’ I don’t know what makes it worse. The fact that he cheated on her, or that she then slept with him after he’d been intimate with some rather experienced ladies of the night. 

Speaking to The Sun, a friend of the couple revealed: ‘This is going to be forever….they’re going to be a Scouse inst….institu….long-term thing…like Mills & McCartney.” 

Coleen has said that should they ever part ways, it’d be Wayne that’d have trouble moving on.

'I think that if me and Wayne ever did split up, it would be very hard for him to find someone he could really trust, a girl who didn't just want to go out with him because he's Wayne Rooney, the famous footballer,' she said. 

With an impending wedding night to think about, that should be the least of her worries.