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The Shannon Matthews alleged abduction story took another dramatic turn yesterday when it was revealed that her mother Karen been arrested and subsequently charged by police at Dewsbury station. 

The mother of seven has supposedly not been arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice, but as the result of a civil copyright infringement suit brought against her by Simon Pegg - writer and star of Shaun of the Dead.

Mr Pegg claims that Mrs Matthews is ‘either a zombie, or the best impersonator I have ever seen, and since there are no such thing as zombies, that bitch owes me some money.’ 

 

Karen Matthews: Zombie?

An initial complaint from Channel 4 and Company Pictures – the producers of hit TV show Shameless, quickly led Mr. Pegg to tack his lawsuit onto theirs. 

A spokesman for the network said at a press conference.

‘We swiftly noticed the resemblance between Shannon’s disappearance and an episode that featured a fake kidnap plot.

'This is a clear case of life imitating art imitating life, and we believe we have sufficient cause to seek an injunction.’ 

When John Snow asked exactly what this would entail, the spokesman nonchalantly replied ‘the entire Matthews clan will have to refrain from living and acting as they have been.’ 

Simon Pegg added that recent pictures of Mrs Matthews showed her having ‘brazenly stolen’ his film’s image rights.

He told this reporter that there were ‘shocking similarities between my film and her pasty waxen complexion…and not that I’m judging, but seven kids by five different dads is just rank.’ 

John Matthews, the only member of the family not currently incarcerated for involvement in this conspiracy told eyebrow that these claims ‘had no merit whatsoever,’ before continuing ‘we just need to focus on getting Shannon back…we do?....oh…uum….then make mine a pint of Hoffmeister.’ 

This case could indeed set a worrying precedent. Not only could disturbed individuals like John Hinckley, Jr imitate films like Taxi Driver and try to assassinate a sitting President, but Columbia Pictures could then sue him for appropriating Robert De Niro’s likeness without their authorization. 

Aside from this, if Karen Matthews had indeed been inspired by a television show to orchestrate her daughter’s disappearance, some very serious questions need to be asked.

Firstly: what exactly were they trying to achieve? And secondly: how were the West Yorkshire Police outfoxed for almost a month by a family that makes the Munsters seem normal. 

The McCann’s lawyer told the world’s media that ‘Kate and Gerry have not watched the television, gone to the cinema or listened to a song. Ever. We hope that this statement will put this issue to bed safely. Unlike them.’