Dear Clare 

I wouldn’t normally write to a complete stranger, but I’m at the end of my tether. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. I love him, and I’m pretty sure he loves me. The trouble is that he never says so. He won’t even introduce me to his friends and his girlfriend. He says he needs time, but I think he’s still in love with his ex, who he was with for four years. 

I’m trying to be understanding, but I’m anxious that he’ll never really commit. I don’t want to seem impatient, but I don’t want to waste my time (and his!) if this isn’t going anywhere. But I also don’t want to dump the man I love, either, in case I’ll always blame myself for throwing away my happiness. What should I do? 

Name and Address supplied 
 

Dear ----- 

I know how confusing love can be – all those contradictions and uncertainties. But sometimes we have to empty our minds and think things through logically. 

You’re quite right that, if you do decide to part company, you might be doing yourself out of a good thing, but if he can’t make up his mind why should you have to wait around? The longer you stay with him, the longer you’re not out there being happy with someone else. Don’t you go feeling guilty about his issues. 

Get out now. 

Because in less than a minute a small primary charge will be detonated, which in turn will set off a base charge that I hid under your bed when you were at work. Though it can be difficult to estimate the explosive yield of home-made devices, I should imagine you will have no more difficulties with this man, if he can be described as such. Nor will you have to feel guilty about the overdue descent of his soul into the fires of the damned. Rest assured, you were the victim, here, and if he can’t see things from your point of view why should he be allowed to live? 

Don’t be ashamed of looking for love on the internet – it’s a great way to meet like-minded people who are just too busy to meet up face to face! Be sure to use a reputable agency such as match.com or datingdirect and you’ll be safe as houses (boom-boom!). Happy hunting 

Clare