Dear Clare 

You’ll not be surprised to learn that, as a professional photographer who’s always on the move, I’ve come down firmly in the Canon side of the Nikkon/Canon debate, not least for the greater lens compatibility but for the RAW capability of their bridging models which, for some obscure reason, isn’t always available on even the top-end Nikkons. 

The trouble is – and I know you’ll probably get this complaint the whole time – the bypassing of the camera’s own processor leads to large file sizes that inevitably cause even a 180GB laptop to crash. What shall I do? Apart, of course, from returning to chemical processing! 

Say cheese 

Jake 
 

Dear Jake 

You’re not alone! So many professionals experience this that I can’t believe the manufacturers haven’t solved the problem. They know that JPEGs don’t allow for the production quality necessary for many publications! 

There are three things you can try, though none of them are entirely satisfactory, particularly at very low ISOs. 

First, try downloading a hack that will reduce the pixel-count to something below seven or eight MP – that should sort the top end of your files without compromising too much on fidelity (it might even reduce the bleed for which the Canon is so infamous(!)) 

Or you can obtain a similar effect by using up to 2X digital zoom, and only then utilising the optical magnification. Though this can lead to some barrel-distortion round the edges, this can always be cropped post-production, is will, again, reduce the pixel-count without compromising the quality on smaller prints. You’ll get the same effect from using a little digital zoom in parallel with a wide-angle lens. 

Finally, you could trade in your bourgeois toy for an old JVC cam-corder, high-tail it out to Basra, and make a name for yourself amongst the Faithful. We’ve so many volunteers amongst the Brethren who are more than capable when it comes to simple tasks requiring no thought whatsoever: writing perverse tracts for Unbelievers to read out or slitting the pigs’ throats. But the intermittent power supply means that the quality of the footage we’re able to post is sub-optimal. What we really need aren’t explosives experts, nor even martyrs, but people who can get to really get the most out of the low-fi technology available under the present sanctions – and under tricky lighting conditions! Believe me – watching the humiliating death of a coward who defiles the daughters of Allah whilst claiming to be ‘rebuilding the infrastructure’ or ‘restoring power and clean water’ is easy compared to uploading good-quality compacted video files over an unreliable dial-up connection! 

Oh, and if you haven’t already, maximise your available RAM too. 

See you on the flip-side 

Clare