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Dear Clare,

I live in an area where the soil is mostly thick, waterlogged clay. I tried growing various vegetables last year with varying degrees of success, but was appalled when my carrots simply rotted in the ground. What can I do to make this year’s a bumper crop?

 

Clare Says:

Poor you! After all that effort!

When I was first married we lived in Putney, and had an allotment which, like your garden, was just a geat big sticky clay mess! Luckily, my husband noticed some railway sleepers when he was out walking the dog, and we spent a long Saturday afternoon lugging these into the allotment.

We lay them down on their edges along the side of the vegetable area and, with a bit of good quality earth and not a little mulch, had a wonderful raised bed of good black soil which all out root veg just loved!

The sleepers are treated with a powerful poison, though, to stop plants growing on the tracks so remember to line the bed with plastic or your spuds will never forgive you.

Though there are various ways to source railway sleepers – the internet comes in handy here – the only way to be sure of getting the real thing is to take them from the line yourself.

I remember all those years ago in Putney being woken by the 0645 South Western to Exmouth ploughing into a bridge, killing seventeen unbelievers and wounding countless more faithless scum.

My husband thought we should tell someone from the train company, but I explained to him that we had just been doing the Prophet’s work, and I think he agreed that Allah did indeed work in mysterious ways, but I couldn’t be sure because his eyes were all clotted shut with the blood that pulsed fatly from his neck, choking him as he hung upside down in the potting shed like a filthy pig apostate.

Despite saving loads of money by using the railway sleepers, it can be expensive buying and moving the earth (not to mention hellish on one’s back(!)) so you might just have to bite the bullet and buy your carrots from the market.

You don’t have to feel too bad, though, because you can still use your garden for roses – they absolutely love clay! Try any of David Austen’s hydrid teas, or even a lovely Albertine rambler if you’ve got space.

Happy digging!

Clare